I only read the first post but I think I can offer some advice. First of all you're over thinking everything. If your post here is as over thought as it sounds I can't imagine what these messages you send the ladies are like.
Secondly, and most important, just be yourself. Don't "explain" that you're a nerd. If it comes up, like her asking your interests then tell her. Don't feel like you have to warn a girl about anything man. Also, if she's not replying than don't worry about it, keep looking until you find someone who will. You don't want someone like that anyways. Be patient, find someone who likes you for you.
I know taking advice from some random dude on a video game website sounds dumb but I've been there. I've dated girls where I couldn't be myself. Do yourself a favor and learn from my mistakes, it sucks. I finally just told myself I'm not doing it anymore and stayed single for almost 5 years. It's worth it in the end. I found a girl who fits together with me like a puzzle piece. Wait for it dude, it'll happen. I didn't find her until I was 29.
Advice On Girls, Yes Another One
Advice on girls, yes another one
I'm suprised no one has said it, but simply becoming friends with a girl from one of these sites/social clubs is also a good way to meet her friends. ;)
If your having issues with talking to women, I'd recommend reading the book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It has a lot of good info on dating, seriously. There is some BS in it, but it is a great book. It will get you laid more and help you find the right woman.
Read the reviews on Amazon.com if you think I'm nuts. I quote, this is a "DANGEROUS MANUAL ON HOW TO SEDUCE WOMEN". LOL it's true.
If your having issues with talking to women, I'd recommend reading the book, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It has a lot of good info on dating, seriously. There is some BS in it, but it is a great book. It will get you laid more and help you find the right woman.
Read the reviews on Amazon.com if you think I'm nuts. I quote, this is a "DANGEROUS MANUAL ON HOW TO SEDUCE WOMEN". LOL it's true.
Sylph.Shinobu said: »
If the girl doesn't message you back, is it okay to message them again? Or is it considered creepy?
That's fine. Rule of thumb is for the guy to contact the girl 1.5 times as much as the girl contacts the guy. So, for every 2 times she calls you, you will have had to call her 3 times. But it's also an upper limit. If you venture into the 2 or 3 times as much as she calls you, then you'll be in the "creepy" zone.
The skill is knowing the amount of time between each interaction. It's best to occupy yourself with hobbies and not "go all out" on dating. When you love your hobby more than your relationship, you're doing it right.
The Internet: Where men go to find mathematical formulas for women.
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Quetzalcoatl.Xueye said: »
The Internet: Where men go to find mathematical formulas for women.
I haven't yet figured it out
I'll have them for you soon
Quote:
It will get you laid more and help you find the right woman.
>.<
From a female perspective, I don't think going to an online dating site is the right place to go if you are only looking to get laid more. It sounds like the OP is looking for something a little more serious. If that is the case, then just be yourself!
Things that are attractive:
* Self-confidence (even if you are shy, fake it)
* Ability to take charge (nothing worse than an "I don't know" guy)
* Self-motivation/goals/aspirations
* Funny (this is definitely a +, but know that everyone finds different things funny, so when you find someone you can make laugh, urdoinitrite!)
Notice looks aren't listed? Yes, there needs to be something that is physically attractive (the eyes, the lips, the dimples) but if you have other desirable qualities in your personality, looks become less and less important.
Just from reading your initial post, I would have to agree with others that your are over thinking things and possible lacking in the self-confidence category. Just know you are good person and a great catch for someone and let that shine through when you talk to people!
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Quetzalcoatl.Xueye said: »
The Internet: Where men go to find mathematical formulas for women.
Guys are logical, girls are emotional. (Mass generalization)
I'm just putting it into terms a dude can understand. Sure, most girls don't want their relationships and love quantified, but if it helps someone understand it better, I don't see the harm in it.
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I could be wrong, but I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all on what girls are attracted to (looks-wise, Elspetta hit the nail on the head with personality-wise.) Some girls like big muscles, some girls prefer slimmer or more teddy-bear-ish men. Some girls like scruff, some girls like polish. Some girls like bookish-looking men, and some like athletic men. I'm very willing to bet that there's girls out there who find you attractive, whether you think you are or not. So don't feel blue about your looks!
And if you meet any of them in rl, smile. Smiles make men seem more approachable, and girls like to think that you enjoy being with them. A scowl-y face might look good in movies or whatever, but for actual girls, smiles are much better.
And if you meet any of them in rl, smile. Smiles make men seem more approachable, and girls like to think that you enjoy being with them. A scowl-y face might look good in movies or whatever, but for actual girls, smiles are much better.
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Quetzalcoatl.Xueye said: »
The Internet: Where men go to find mathematical formulas for women.
[+]
Odin.Liela said: »
I could be wrong, but I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all on what girls are attracted to (looks-wise, Elspetta hit the nail on the head with personality-wise.) Some girls like big muscles, some girls prefer slimmer or more teddy-bear-ish men. Some girls like scruff, some girls like polish. Some girls like bookish-looking men, and some like athletic men. I'm very willing to bet that there's girls out there who find you attractive, whether you think you are or not. So don't feel blue about your looks! And if you meet any of them in rl, smile. Smiles make men seem more approachable, and girls like to think that you enjoy being with them. A scowl-y face might look good in movies or whatever, but for actual girls, smiles are much better.
hehehe Liela that read like Dr. Suess there for a minute XD
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Quote:
And if you meet any of them in rl, smile
Fenrir.Niniann said: »
Firstly I'll say you can't define creepy. Two guys do the exact thing (more or less) to the same girl. One is creepy and one isn't. This has nothing to do with looks, it has to do with presentation and how awkward/charismatic you are.
Let Ashley explain it for you, OP:
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Sylph.Shinobu said: »
So, I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine last night about... well I honestly don't remember how it came up. Anyway, I have a habit of talking to girls once, or in class or just in any general setting and then if the next time, they don't give any indication of saying anything back I give up and move on.
For a more literal example I will go with an online situation. On a dating site like okcupid, I always give a well thought out message that leaves room for a response. Usually they respond a few times, each time the message gets longer and by about the 3rd message between us it tends to be really long. After that point, averaging 3 messages, no matter how well they go, or any indication that they dislike me (one girl literally said "have you ever met someone and after something they said, just wanted to blurt out 'marry me?'" (yes, it was odd)) they just don't respond, ever. Anyway, I always go "meh" and don't worry about it, never making an attempt to speak to them again.
Now, this situation comes along a lot. I am honestly not particularly attractive and make a point to let everyone know I am a nerd since it's literally everything I do in someway (I know that's the last thing you wanna say to a girl, but it felt relevant to the whole question). Every single time, I make a point of never making a point to greet people or go out of my way to speak to them, unless they do themselves because I believe that not taking the hint and talking to them again is the best way to make them think I am creepy. I don't talk a lot in public, but I think some people find it strange how much I talk with just them, so I am always worried people will think I'm creepy. In the end, all that really matters is the basic question based on the dating site example for ease of wording but it goes for everything, not just that specifically:
If the girl doesn't message you back, is it okay to message them again? Or is it considered creepy?
My friend is convinced it's okay to message them back, but she is a female and cute at that, I am pretty sure she has no idea what rejection is (I've known her a very long time so I know she doesn't)
I am convinced that the best way to make them decide I'm a worse creeper than the guy who runs around to every girls page and says "lets ***", since that guy isn't paying them any special interest, where if a guy who actually took the time to give a ***, gives a ***, he may be really into them and clearly I can't take a hint.
I keep over explaining things, is it a hint to stop talking to them if they don't respond? It honestly seems pretty obvious that it is a strong hint, but my friend is convinced other wise.
Anyway, I'll restate the main question in the tl;dr:
tl;dr:
If a girl doesn't message you back on something like an online dating site, after several correspondences, does that mean you should give up and move on?
For a more literal example I will go with an online situation. On a dating site like okcupid, I always give a well thought out message that leaves room for a response. Usually they respond a few times, each time the message gets longer and by about the 3rd message between us it tends to be really long. After that point, averaging 3 messages, no matter how well they go, or any indication that they dislike me (one girl literally said "have you ever met someone and after something they said, just wanted to blurt out 'marry me?'" (yes, it was odd)) they just don't respond, ever. Anyway, I always go "meh" and don't worry about it, never making an attempt to speak to them again.
Now, this situation comes along a lot. I am honestly not particularly attractive and make a point to let everyone know I am a nerd since it's literally everything I do in someway (I know that's the last thing you wanna say to a girl, but it felt relevant to the whole question). Every single time, I make a point of never making a point to greet people or go out of my way to speak to them, unless they do themselves because I believe that not taking the hint and talking to them again is the best way to make them think I am creepy. I don't talk a lot in public, but I think some people find it strange how much I talk with just them, so I am always worried people will think I'm creepy. In the end, all that really matters is the basic question based on the dating site example for ease of wording but it goes for everything, not just that specifically:
If the girl doesn't message you back, is it okay to message them again? Or is it considered creepy?
My friend is convinced it's okay to message them back, but she is a female and cute at that, I am pretty sure she has no idea what rejection is (I've known her a very long time so I know she doesn't)
I am convinced that the best way to make them decide I'm a worse creeper than the guy who runs around to every girls page and says "lets ***", since that guy isn't paying them any special interest, where if a guy who actually took the time to give a ***, gives a ***, he may be really into them and clearly I can't take a hint.
I keep over explaining things, is it a hint to stop talking to them if they don't respond? It honestly seems pretty obvious that it is a strong hint, but my friend is convinced other wise.
Anyway, I'll restate the main question in the tl;dr:
tl;dr:
If a girl doesn't message you back on something like an online dating site, after several correspondences, does that mean you should give up and move on?
Don't base your guidelines for girls behaviour on an online dating site. Go out and speak to girls face to face, they are not going to kill you for striking up conversation. Oh and don't make a point of telling them you are a nerd, way to kill your chances.
Ramuh.Sagittario said: »
they are not going to kill you for striking up conversation.
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In my experiance you can go ahead & tell them you're a nerd. I'm convinced women size dudes up within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. they'll never in hell tell you, but they know if you have a shot right away.
*edit* feel free to correct me if I'm way off here ladies
*edit* feel free to correct me if I'm way off here ladies
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Siren.Mosin said: »
Odin.Liela said: »
I could be wrong, but I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all on what girls are attracted to (looks-wise, Elspetta hit the nail on the head with personality-wise.) Some girls like big muscles, some girls prefer slimmer or more teddy-bear-ish men. Some girls like scruff, some girls like polish. Some girls like bookish-looking men, and some like athletic men. I'm very willing to bet that there's girls out there who find you attractive, whether you think you are or not. So don't feel blue about your looks! And if you meet any of them in rl, smile. Smiles make men seem more approachable, and girls like to think that you enjoy being with them. A scowl-y face might look good in movies or whatever, but for actual girls, smiles are much better.
hehehe Liela that read like Dr. Suess there for a minute XD
Pardon me, I could be wrong,
But I don't there there is at all,
Something for girls, one-size-fits all!
Some girls like big muscles,
Some girls like the slimmer,
So long as you smile, though,
You could be their winner!
But some girls like them polished!
And some girls like a scruffy man,
How do you know what, oh what to do?
Just do the best you can!
Some girls like their boys all bookish,
Some girls just want a good teddybear,
Some girls like them all athletic,
The girl for you is out there somewhere!
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Siren.Mosin said: »
In my experiance you can go ahead & tell them you're a nerd. I'm convinced women size dudes up within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. they'll never in hell tell you, but they know if you have a shot right away.
Telling a chick you are a nerd is only going to risk her thinking you are weird. Imo it works best when you let girls find out things about you rather than telling them everything. Girls dig chat, so let them do the talking and you do the listening.
Siren.Mosin said: »
In my experiance you can go ahead & tell them you're a nerd. I'm convinced women size dudes up within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. they'll never in hell tell you, but they know if you have a shot right away.
I'm hardly an expert but I wouldn't say you're a nerd if only because it looks like you feel the need to justify yourself. You don't need to justify your hobbies to somebody else. If you enjoy doing them, more power to you (assuming they're legal). There's nothing wrong with being a nerd, but feeling the need to justify yourself is a little bit on the insecure side.
Men size women up the same way... or at least I'm guilty of it. That's not to say if I'm not into you immediately then there's no hope, but there are some who I'm very interested in from the word go and then there are some whom I end up getting surprised by how much I end up liking them. Not a woman but I wouldn't be surprised if it is exactly the same for them.
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Wow! Thanks for all of the advice everyone!
I agree, I probably am over thinking everything, you are not the first people to tell me this.
As for asking about other forms of communication, I would love to, but it seems every single girl on there writes something along the lines of "anyone asking for my aim or number after only a few messages is instantly considered a creeper." One time, a girl asked me for my skype, and I gave it to her and then she never spoke to me again. She was the one who jokingly asked me to marry her.
as for the people who misunderstand the dating site reference: It really isn't my preferred method, but its a bit harder to explain out meeting a girl, talking to her for a while then not saying hi to her again unless she seems to be looking for a hi. I tried a few times going out of my way to say hi, but every time they either don't notice me or are avoiding eye contact and I'm left sitting there going "hi!" to the air well people look at me.
I have a habit of becoming friends with a girl in class then seeing her outside of class and trying to make eye contact and say hi, but they tend to ignore me, so every time after that, I don't really acknowledge them.
I agree, I probably am over thinking everything, you are not the first people to tell me this.
As for asking about other forms of communication, I would love to, but it seems every single girl on there writes something along the lines of "anyone asking for my aim or number after only a few messages is instantly considered a creeper." One time, a girl asked me for my skype, and I gave it to her and then she never spoke to me again. She was the one who jokingly asked me to marry her.
as for the people who misunderstand the dating site reference: It really isn't my preferred method, but its a bit harder to explain out meeting a girl, talking to her for a while then not saying hi to her again unless she seems to be looking for a hi. I tried a few times going out of my way to say hi, but every time they either don't notice me or are avoiding eye contact and I'm left sitting there going "hi!" to the air well people look at me.
I have a habit of becoming friends with a girl in class then seeing her outside of class and trying to make eye contact and say hi, but they tend to ignore me, so every time after that, I don't really acknowledge them.
Siren.Mosin said: »
In my experiance you can go ahead & tell them you're a nerd. I'm convinced women size dudes up within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. they'll never in hell tell you, but they know if you have a shot right away.
This. Do none of you have older sisters who looked out for you when you were younger? My sisters would come home after dates and tell me straight up about dos and don'ts. Or reactions, sometimes based solely on looks(not always, but yes, it does play a role).
I get it, you want love to remain magical, I don't blame you. But that doesn't change the fact that it's also very logical. Why else do you see so many 5s with 5s, 8s with 8s, etc. And when you see an anomaly, like a 5 with an 8, you wonder what the 5 "has". Girls and guys alike think that.
Once you understand it, you can just move past it and take it with a grain of salt. It's silly to get worked up over stuff like this.
Ramuh.Sagittario said: »
so let them do the talking and you do the listening.
LOL at the saying "hi!" to the air XD
Been there my friend >.>;
Srsly though, don't think about it, jus get yourself a little swagger, wink at girls if u catch them staring at u, most importantly, jus get out there an amongst them. You will increase you chances tenfold by socialising. Oh an never ask a girl for her number straight up, disguise it in a one liner or a joke or something, but usually if shes interested she will give you it without having to even do that.
Been there my friend >.>;
Srsly though, don't think about it, jus get yourself a little swagger, wink at girls if u catch them staring at u, most importantly, jus get out there an amongst them. You will increase you chances tenfold by socialising. Oh an never ask a girl for her number straight up, disguise it in a one liner or a joke or something, but usually if shes interested she will give you it without having to even do that.
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