Dear Mr (iwishicould) TalkTalk MD,
I want to complain at the lack of TalkTalk'ing ive been able to do with your company.
Your Brighter broadband seems to mean that we can't access the very thing we signed a contract to.
you may need to take a seat, pull up a cup of coffee, turn of your ever busy telephone and take time to realise this is a long assed complaint!
I refer you to the forums post (insert link). Ill give you a moment to read.
--moment--
Ok now you've read that perhaps you'd like me to put into plain english our problems (if you understand the issue so far please skip this paragraph) and skip to the next.
If you got this far you have no need to reset your router, check your filters or count to ten backwards.. Congratulations you dont need step 2.
[insert basic details of problem here]
Before you state "this is a single error i must file this letter under "to bin" .. i enclose a list of other final Fantasy 11 players who.. strangely enough are subscribed to TalkTalk.
[enclose names and locations]
If you feel that this is the service you would like us to pass onto our friends and family then please dont respond to this letter. IF you would like to make a difference and prove that you do actually care, at least acknowledge this.
(end letter)
This is just something ive come up with now after a few beers.. ill add more saracasms later