Advice On Girls, Yes Another One
Advice on girls, yes another one
Lets some things up here shall we? I would think the long responses may be a problem. i would personally try to start talking to them on a messenger or text because quite frankly messaging people over and over again is kinda annoying. Also you should try opening with a short interesting message to catch their attention instead of the usual "we have all this in common blah blah blah" (not saying you do that or that its a bad idea). If they dont respond after you send them 2 or so messages i would say move on. otherwise best of like to you little buddy
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Going to agree with the above post. The average human being is only going to want to write so many letters before they honestly just think, "Okay, are we still writing letters? I don't have time for this ***," especially in the blind dating scene. I've had this ***on Facebook to be perfectly honest. Guys will send me messages (not chat) and I'll reply, and they'll keep doing it and I'm just like.. alright, are you done now?
If things seem to be stagnant (and tedious for that matter), the person is going to lose interest. And as nice as they are - especially from an old friend or new acquaintance - letters are known for formality. With formality comes a touch of an inevitable impersonal dynamic built in to your conversations. And considering this approach, since face to face conversations and intricacies aren't entirely in the realm of possibility immediately, you're going to have to, as several others have mentioned, inquire to move to something like instant messaging or Skype.
If things seem to be stagnant (and tedious for that matter), the person is going to lose interest. And as nice as they are - especially from an old friend or new acquaintance - letters are known for formality. With formality comes a touch of an inevitable impersonal dynamic built in to your conversations. And considering this approach, since face to face conversations and intricacies aren't entirely in the realm of possibility immediately, you're going to have to, as several others have mentioned, inquire to move to something like instant messaging or Skype.
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why not try to meet people irl? I know online is much more comfortable and safe from an emotional standpoint, but I feel strongly that relationships that start irl have a much higher chance of not devolving into weirdness and social anxiety like you've talked about. when your only mode of conversation is through text, your mind fills in the gaps and idealizes the other person. if you MUST continue this stuff online, I also think skype/vent/mumble is your best bet.
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Asura.Elvaton said: »
Lets some things up here shall we? I would think the long responses may be a problem. i would personally try to start talking to them on a messenger or text because quite frankly messaging people over and over again is kinda annoying. Also you should try opening with a short interesting message to catch their attention instead of the usual "we have all this in common blah blah blah" (not saying you do that or that its a bad idea). If they dont respond after you send them 2 or so messages i would say move on. otherwise best of like to you little buddy
This^
It sounds to me like the problem is in the types of messages you're sending. The first conversation you have with women should be short, unique, interesting to her, and include emotion/flirtatiousness.
Long/boring messages get you a message or two yes, but after a while become boring and redundant and more importantly don't spark interest. On the other hand, those types of messages put you almost directly into the friendzone. In other words you come off as a guy who just wants someone to talk to instead of someone to date.
You have to be blunt, flirtatious, and interesting/unique in what you type. Your messages should be no more than 1 to 3 sentences long and convey some emotion, sometimes two or three words are ok.
For example instead of starting a conversation with:
"Hi, I noticed you like to sports, what do you play?"
This type of starter = fail.
Instead, spiff up your profile, make yourself attractive to click on, and start off a conversation with a simple: "Hey" or "Hi there"
Right off the back, if she replies to something that small she's obviously seen your profile and is interested.
Then, keep the conversations short and sweet, don't reveal too much through messages, you want to remain mysterious to her and so that she stays interested.
You don't want to have her feel like she's known you for years in 3 messages.
tl;dr
Long messages and explanations will get you no where 95% of the time (rarely will you find a girl who is ok with this--will more than likely have to be one with low self-esteem--or you might get lucky). Anywho, keep your messages shorter, remain mysterious, and aim for the real target, ACQUIRING HER PHONE NUMBER OR ASKING HER OUT.
To put it another way, if you message her so much before doing this that she can right off the back know you well enough to know she won't date you, you are doing it wrong. On the other hand, give her reason to WANT to give you her number by sparking interest.
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Jaguarx pretty much nailed it. However, there's a time for everything. I really hated when people were asking to meet up after a message or two. I realize that's eventually the point, yes. But at the same time, part of the reason to use dating resources such as the internet is to get to know someone a touch before jumping in.
Most times keeping it short and sweet is the ticket. But always try to get a feel for her before asking her on a date/to meet. Otherwise, you're pretty much in creeper territory.
Most times keeping it short and sweet is the ticket. But always try to get a feel for her before asking her on a date/to meet. Otherwise, you're pretty much in creeper territory.
On a completely unrelated note, actively dating others is possibly one of the most bizarre practices humans have bought into believing they need. Of course, here isn't exactly the place to delve into a breakdown of how social perception of an ideal relationship with marriage as an end goal is fundamentally flawed.
Anyways, my original point in bringing that up was: Have you considered not trying to set up dates through such whimsical forced interaction? I mean - not to be a raging *** - relationships that develop through dating sites tend to carry a naivety about how things are "supposed to end up" along with "if it's not going this way then it's wrong". You're more than free to seek emotional involvement however you see fit, of course, just food for thought.
Anyways, my original point in bringing that up was: Have you considered not trying to set up dates through such whimsical forced interaction? I mean - not to be a raging *** - relationships that develop through dating sites tend to carry a naivety about how things are "supposed to end up" along with "if it's not going this way then it's wrong". You're more than free to seek emotional involvement however you see fit, of course, just food for thought.
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Every woman on this earth is a different puzzle which you must figure out how to solve. You aren't given a set of instructions, yet you must make your moves in just the right way or you will break the pieces and be forever unable to solve it. If you break, that's fine. Move on to the next puzzle, look at what worked and what didn't on your last puzzle and plan accordingly. Eventually you will find one you will be able to solve, that is when you know you have found someone YOU are compatible with.
On that same token, don't try to solve a puzzle you've already broken... because that is setting yourself up for disaster--heartbreak, depression, etc.
Anywho, good luck!
On that same token, don't try to solve a puzzle you've already broken... because that is setting yourself up for disaster--heartbreak, depression, etc.
Anywho, good luck!
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Actually, every woman on this earth is a human being with their individual aspirations and needs. Looking at the situation as some sort of puzzle that you have to solve isn't going to accomplish anything other than having you look like a clueless and objectifying ***, to be perfectly honest.
But that's just my two cents.
But that's just my two cents.
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Fenrir.Jinjo said: »
Actually, every woman on this earth is a human being with their individual aspirations and needs. Looking at the situation as some sort of puzzle that you have to solve isn't going to accomplish anything other than having you look like a clueless and objectifying ***, to be perfectly honest.
But that's just my two cents.
But that's just my two cents.
Agreed, lol. But I was just trying to make an analogy which would make the situation a bit clearer. There's a number of people who don't realize there is no "book" to dating, there is no "manual." In other words, what works for some women doesn't work for others, hence puzzle. Women/dating, is about trial and error until you find your match, someone who fits you.
Which in a sense, he does have an objective, he's trying to get the girl eh?
;)
My advice for dating sites: for entertainment purposes only.
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what kind of message/text do you send to girls when you write to them the first time on online sites?
hey baby I have 2 empyreans and an ebisu rod
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While we're at it you should probably post a picture of yourself. I mean, three exchanges is about enough time to reevaluate your initial impression of somebody's looks.
Personally, I feel you'd be better off going to the father of someone you're interested in and asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. The tradition is just about as sound as that of online dating.
Personally, I feel you'd be better off going to the father of someone you're interested in and asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. The tradition is just about as sound as that of online dating.
Fenrir.Jinjo said: »
Personally, I feel you'd be better off going to the father of someone you're interested in and asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. The tradition is just about as sound as that of online dating.
Its fine to do it as a show of respect for the parents, but make it clear that they do not have any real say in the matter; you are informing them in a way that they feel they have the ability to agree with it or disagree with it even if it means nothing in the long run. You aren't marrying the father/mother after all.
One more thing I would like to add: when I flirt with someone I met on a social network, forum, or whatever, there's a limit to pm exchanges. If I'm really interested in flirting with this person I'll get a better way to chat with them, like msn or something, AT LEAST. Correspondence isn't that exciting, if you want to keep her interested you have to get into real conversations with her.
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I don't think you quite understood what I was getting at. The polarized generational relationship-forcing traditions are somehow equally inane and unfitting for any average human social experience.
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Sylph.Heslon said: »
what kind of message/text do you send to girls when you write to them the first time on online sites?
Each situation is unique to the type of site you are using.
Dating sites:
(As I've said before) Short, interesting, blunt/flirtatious messages.
Here's an example of what I think should be a typical dating site starter conversation should look like, (and mind you I should be in bed already, so excuse the example if it's pretty horrible)
----------------------------------------------------------------
* male = m Female = f
* My comments about the conversation are in parenthesis
* The bold is the dialogue between the male and female
-------------------------------------------------------------
m: "Hey"
f: (looks at your profile, is interested) "hi"
m: (at this point play off something on her profile, for this example, my make up girl set "wrestling" as an interest on her dating profile) "I'm just interested in knowing, what weight class you were in."
f: (slightly confused, probably doesn't remember she had wrestling as a hobby on profile--she might even feel the need to reply cause it sounds like your asking her weight lol) "excuse me?"
m: (elaborate but keep it simple) "Wrestling, you have wrestling on your profile, I'm just interested in knowing what weight class you fought in."
f: (slightly relieved you weren't asking her about her weight and answers) "No no, I haven't actually wrestled officially, my brothers and I used to wrestle when I was younger."
m: (at this point try to play off what she said)"Oh, well that's a shame, I was going to see if you had any pointers you could give me."
------------------------------------------------------------
*Pause* This last message I wrote here is what I call a "gauge the interest message," there is no need for her to reply but if she is truly interested in you she WILL REPLY.
*Continue*
----------------------------------------------------------------
f: (interested and replies) "Ha! Well I wish I could help you but I'm just an amateur."
m: (now I play on her interest) "Well maybe you and I should spar sometime and we will find out how good you really are."
(notice I have mentioned an activity we could do together to see how she will reply, if she continues to play on it she's interested)
f: (now you have her attention) "Nope, I'm sorry, can't do that, I wouldn't want to hurt you."
(notice how she starts playing along, that's when you know you've sparked interest)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From here on, I would not let the conversation lose its flow and maybe in one or two more replies I'd aim to get her number.
NOW REMEMBER THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE OF HOW I SEE IT SHOULD GO, OBVIOUSLY NOT ALL CONVERSATIONS WILL FLOW THIS EASILY BUT IT'S STRICTLY SO YOU COULD GET AN IDEA. YES IT'S A PRETTY CHEEZY EXAMPLE, I KNOW.
etc etc
bad example, but gives you an idea lol
Anyway I really have to go to bed now, night guys.
I'm like 97% sure that asking a girl to wrestle with you is not appropriate dating site etiquette.
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Lakshmi.Jaguarx said: »
Asura.Elvaton said: »
Lets some things up here shall we? I would think the long responses may be a problem. i would personally try to start talking to them on a messenger or text because quite frankly messaging people over and over again is kinda annoying. Also you should try opening with a short interesting message to catch their attention instead of the usual "we have all this in common blah blah blah" (not saying you do that or that its a bad idea). If they dont respond after you send them 2 or so messages i would say move on. otherwise best of like to you little buddy
This^
It sounds to me like the problem is in the types of messages you're sending. The first conversation you have with women should be short, unique, interesting to her, and include emotion/flirtatiousness.
Long/boring messages get you a message or two yes, but after a while become boring and redundant and more importantly don't spark interest. On the other hand, those types of messages put you almost directly into the friendzone. In other words you come off as a guy who just wants someone to talk to instead of someone to date.
You have to be blunt, flirtatious, and interesting/unique in what you type. Your messages should be no more than 1 to 3 sentences long and convey some emotion, sometimes two or three words are ok.
For example instead of starting a conversation with:
"Hi, I noticed you like to sports, what do you play?"
This type of starter = fail.
Instead, spiff up your profile, make yourself attractive to click on, and start off a conversation with a simple: "Hey" or "Hi there"
Right off the back, if she replies to something that small she's obviously seen your profile and is interested.
Then, keep the conversations short and sweet, don't reveal too much through messages, you want to remain mysterious to her and so that she stays interested.
You don't want to have her feel like she's known you for years in 3 messages.
tl;dr
Long messages and explanations will get you no where 95% of the time (rarely will you find a girl who is ok with this--will more than likely have to be one with low self-esteem--or you might get lucky). Anywho, keep your messages shorter, remain mysterious, and aim for the real target, ACQUIRING HER PHONE NUMBER OR ASKING HER OUT.
To put it another way, if you message her so much before doing this that she can right off the back know you well enough to know she won't date you, you are doing it wrong. On the other hand, give her reason to WANT to give you her number by sparking interest.
I actually disagree with a lot of this. There is such a thing as writing too much (especially in a first conversation with someone), but there is also such a thing as writing far too little. If someone (or should I say "when someone"... it happens) sends me a message just saying "hi" or "what's up?", my first impression is that they are uninteresting. For the same reason as your sports example is uninteresting - that it's just a generic message that could be said to anyone they meet at any point in life and hence doesn't relate to me specifically.
You don't want to get friendzoned obviously, but the difference as always is your tone. Be playful/flirty and even standard conversation can be flirtatious.
I think it's a balance as with most things in life... however, someone who deliberately sends short messages for the sake of keeping up a "mystique" seems a little bit petty. I don't think dating and talking are mutually exclusive? There's a point where if you say too little, I just think you don't have much to say and are therefore uninteresting. I like girls who actually take the time to say what they think. Makes me appreciate what kind of woman I'm talking to, instead of just going through the motions for the sake of "talking to a vagina".
I dunno, perhaps I am just very leery of relationships. I've never met anybody in real life I'd like to date, and it's artificial stuff like this which is most of the reason why. I don't see why we have to be so fake...
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Carbuncle.Asymptotic said: »
I'm like 97% sure that asking a girl to wrestle with you is not appropriate dating site etiquette.
Depends on situation, age, etc, some girls actively like wrestling, you'll find tons on bodybuilding.com.
Furthermore, notice my emphasis on "bad example"
ok wtf am I doing lol
I really have to go.
*shutting computer OFF*
Just be yourself, worrying what to say what not to say when to say things will screw you up. A woman is just a woman, a person just like you. Treat them that way not like some golden idol. Don't misrepresent yourself be proud and confident even if you are too skinny, fat, a nerd or whatever.If a woman can't accept that you are you then they are not worth your time.
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Three, you can send three messages over the course of a week and if you don't hear from them assume they are either A) uninterested B) a B-word C) a C-word or D) dead (a D-word).
But in all honesty, if you are truly interested in said female, and they express a certain interest in you, then I question why the messaging over the internetz is still occurring? Shouldn't further conversations be over the phone at least?
Maybe I'm reading too far but if someone says they like you or hint towards meeting you and you still don't have/ask for their number maybe its a vibe you are giving off.
But in all honesty, if you are truly interested in said female, and they express a certain interest in you, then I question why the messaging over the internetz is still occurring? Shouldn't further conversations be over the phone at least?
Maybe I'm reading too far but if someone says they like you or hint towards meeting you and you still don't have/ask for their number maybe its a vibe you are giving off.
Quote:
"I'm just interested in knowing, what weight class you were in."
Nice try xD
Eh, just go gay, it's much less drama.
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Asura.Perrymason said: »
Eh, just go gay, it's much less drama.
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Lu, you sir, have an unhealthy obsession with Rei >.>
Here is what I have learned. Just be yourself . Let them come to you. If they dig you great. If not there is more out there.
I had sat down to type a looooong thought out response and tips to help out. As soon as I submitted it, it gave me the "log on" option, so yea.
Im just going to give a /nod to what Nini~kun, Raen and Jag have said as being able to find a balance to what they said will help.
Work up your self confidence and esteem, rejections, theyre inevitable, but they also make you better at relationships(if you use them in a positive manner).
Im just going to give a /nod to what Nini~kun, Raen and Jag have said as being able to find a balance to what they said will help.
Work up your self confidence and esteem, rejections, theyre inevitable, but they also make you better at relationships(if you use them in a positive manner).
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What is important to bear in mind is evident if you follow this thought process:
Do you find every woman around you attractive? Do you like everybody around you as a friend? Is there anything wrong with the vast majority of people you answered "no" to here?
Similarly, just because a girl isn't into you or whatever doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. If you're the most amazing and funny guy in the world, still you'll have some people that are either lukewarm towards you or simply don't like you. It happens.
Just don't take such things personally~
Do you find every woman around you attractive? Do you like everybody around you as a friend? Is there anything wrong with the vast majority of people you answered "no" to here?
Similarly, just because a girl isn't into you or whatever doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. If you're the most amazing and funny guy in the world, still you'll have some people that are either lukewarm towards you or simply don't like you. It happens.
Just don't take such things personally~
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