My hands are still shakey.
When I hopped out of bed this morning, I felt outstanding. Time to make a pot of coffee, take the dog outside, read the paper, etc. A quiet, rainy, relaxing Sunday morning.
I'm modest in real life and, even though I'm a guy, I rarely walk around in anything more revealing that a t-shirt and shorts. This includes pajama pants, which in my experience, don't leave much to the imagination. xD
No problem. I just toss on the nearest pair of jeans so my neighbors don't get a show with their morning coffee.
I didn't notice at the time, but something was clinging for dear life on the inside of the left pantleg. I didn't notice or feel anything move until I fed the dog. As I set down the food bowl for the uber-excited dog, I felt something move. Slowly at first, but there definitely was something there. That hairy
something definitely tickled the inside of my knee.
And then it started moving north, and
fast.
And I'm going commando.
And I started screaming like every girl scout who's ever knocked on my front dog only to be met by the aggressive barking of my huge, white dog. He 'greets' strangers by barking and growling and pressing up against the window next to the door whenever anyone has the audacity to knock on the door of
his house.
I'm that girl scout or that repairman.
I luckily hit and stun that hairy
something as it approached my junk. I panicked and jumped around like a loon trying to shake it out of my jeans. And I did.
A stunned brown recluse spider fell out onto the floor. A
brown recluse. If you have not seen what those bites look like already, uh, don't Google Image Search them. Seriously, save yourself the nightmares.
Especially once you learn that they love dark, warm places like clothes, shoes, and beds. /shudder
And I had one of those *** racing for my ***.
I've been afraid of spiders since my early childhood, and experiences like these only reinforce the fact that I'm right to be afraid of spiders and that they're evil little *** who need to be exterminated. Every last one of them. I don't even care that they're beneficial little critters.
I can't call for a truce with something that tried to bite my ***.